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Monday, September 15th, 2003
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11:56a - Four Lessons Every Employee Should Know
LESSON NUMBER ONE:
A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A small rabbit saw the crow, and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?"
The crow answered: "Sure why not." So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Lesson:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.
LESSON NUMBER TWO:
A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy." Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients." The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually gave him enough strength to reach the first branch of the tree.
The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fortnight there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree. Soon the turkey was spotted by a farmer, who promptly shot him out of the tree.
Lesson:
Bullshit may get you to the top but it won't keep you there.
LESSON NUMBER THREE:
When the body was first made, all the parts wanted to be boss. The brain said, "I should be Boss because I control the whole body's responses and functions." The feet said, We should be Boss as we carry the brain about and get him to where he wants to go." The hands said, "We should be the Boss because we do all the work and earn all the money." And so it went on and on with the heart, the lungs and the eyes until finally the asshole spoke up. All the parts laughed at the idea of the asshole being the Boss. So the asshole went on strike, blocked itself up and refused to work. Within a short time the eyes became crossed, the hands clenched, the feet twitched, the heart and lungs began to panic and the brain fevered. Eventually they all decided that the asshole should be the Boss, so the motion was passed.
Lesson:
You don't need brains to be a Boss - any asshole will do.
LESSON NUMBER FOUR:
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold, the bird froze and fell to the ground in a large field. While it was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on it. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, it began to realize how warm it was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him!
Lessons:
(1) Not everyone who drops shit on you is your enemy.
(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.
(3) And when you're in deep shit, keep your mouth shut.
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and that's why humor wil save you in the end. :P
current mood:  hyper
current music: Animatrix OST (2 comments |comment on this)
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1:03p - advertisement
(stolen off the Purplechickens mailing list as frantically/lazily typed by Aldus at  quinnzap's house while sitting beside tungkung langit)
Millennia will make your maroon blood curdle with good ol’ rock and roll with Marooned at Millennia!—a rock production featuring the best State U. has to offer!
It opens with geese flying, midgets walking on broken glass, and pretty pretty boys who can play some guitar and sing somewhat!
Stonefree, The Brew, Giniling Festival, and The Purplechickens, among others, will kick off Marooned at Millennia! on September 16, 2003! It starts 9PM sharp! (Peyups students are never late, right?!)
State U. might have slipping survey ratings, or losing basketball teams, or crappy toilets, but we know how to rock and we’re showing ‘em! Goddamn what’s with all these exclamation points!
Marooned at Millennia! happens all Tuesdays forever if you want it!
Be there or be there!
current mood:  rushed
current music: Sum41 -- All Killer No Filler album (comment on this)
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4:59p - The Matrix Reloaded
Available October 14 From Warner Home Video
RELOAD BEFORE THE REVOLUTION BEGINS!
$700 Million Worldwide Box-Office Phenomenon
Delve Deeper Into the World of The Matrix
Hours of Bonus Features on Fully Loaded DVD Release
WARNER BROS.
BURBANK, July 14, 2003
– Prepare to be blown away on October 14 with the highly anticipated DVD and VHS release of the record-breaking $700 million worldwide box-office smash hit The Matrix Reloaded.
Written and directed by the Wachowski Brothers and produced by Joel Silver, The Matrix Reloaded is the second chapter in the Wachowskis’ groundbreaking action film trilogy that explores the nature of reality and the search for truth. In addition to the return of original Matrix stars Keanu Reeves, Laurence Fishburne, Carrie-Anne Moss and Hugo Weaving, The Matrix Reloaded features such new cast members as Jada Pinkett Smith and Monica Bellucci.
Premiering October 14 on DVD and VHS from Warner Home Video Inc. (WHV) and Village Roadshow Pictures, The Matrix Reloaded is timed for release three weeks prior to the theatrical opening of The Matrix Revolutions, the final film in the futuristic series. The Matrix Reloaded will be priced to own at $29.95 SRP/$22.95 MAP for DVD and $22.99 SRP/$14.95 MAP for VHS. Merchandiser orders are due September 2; single orders by September 9.
An integrated publicity and marketing plan featuring both films presents a united and strategic approach to media and advertising running from late September through the middle of November. WHV will support the release of The Matrix Reloaded with a massive worldwide media campaign, reaching nearly all households numerous times delivering a staggering 1.6 billion consumer impressions in the US alone.
“Matrix Reloaded continues the success established by the original Matrix, one of the most provocative films ever released, and sets the stage for Matrix Revolutions, completing the filmmakers vision of The Matrix,” says Mark Horak, Executive Vice President, Worldwide Marketing (WHV). “With the integrated theatrical and video marketing campaigns, 2003 really has become the ‘Year of the Matrix’.”
DVD ELEMENTS
The two-disc DVD release includes an explosion of mind-freeing bonus features:
Preload – Get a behind the scenes overview of The Matrix Reloaded with on-location footage and interviews with cast and crew
The Freeway Chase – Behind the scenes footage shows the viewer how the mind-blowing scene was captured on film.
What is The Animatrix?- A glimpse into the history and the intrigue of the Animatrix.
Enter The Matrix – Making of the best-seller video game and the groundbreaking technology used to create it. Your exclusive opportunity to step inside the world of Enter the Matrix.
The Matrix Unfolds – A review of The Matrix phenomenon and its amazing cultural impact
2003 MTV Movie Awards Matrix Reloaded parody
Get Me An Exit - Matrix-inspired advertising.
Weblinks to the official Matrix website
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i want a DVD player. dagnabit.
current mood:  tired
current music: Bic Runga - Sway (comment on this)
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