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Wednesday, October 22nd, 2003
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11:10a - on boys who won't go
while we're on the subject of loves i threw away, here's an email from  wowie that's long over due. the following exchange took place last July-August.
(PS: i'm posting this as i received it, that is, no editing whatsoever.>
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hi rej...
just wondering whats been happening to you. i don't understand why you have been ignoring me for the past week, its frying my nerves. i don't know what you intended by it but let me just tell you what has been happening to me ever since you won't return my calls and text. i've been so depressed that i can't work at all. i haven't been going to work lately. i'm not blaming you or anything... but what you're doing is succeeding in what i've been afraid to try so far. maybe i'll get better, maybe i'll forget you the same way you're trying to forget me. maybe you've been just busy, i don't know.
what i do know is that i'm a wreck without you. i need you in my life the way ships need a lighthouse to guide their way through a fog. I need you as as much as the air i breathe hoping to gain a scent of you. i'm scared without you and i know i'll cease to exist.
if you hate me. let me know. if you don't want to see me, let me know, don't do it this way. please. lets talk. i'll listen to everything you say. don't do it like this. please. anyway, i'm on my way to the hospital on monday because of a stomach ulcer, i really don't want to kill myself but i'm too depressed to eat.
i just wish we could be friends again at least. at least talk to me. please.
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Vic,
Go to work. Eat. Live. But don't look to me to save you, Vic. I can't be the answer to your problems. You can't keep running to me to help you. You have two feet--stand.
I got angry last Tuesday because you were doing it again: after promising to keep your distance, the minute you got depressed you ran back to me. Well, that has to stop. Fine, you suffer. So do other people, with far worse problems than yours. I've said all this to you before, and this is the last time I'm saying it again.
I won't do this anymore. You run to me, you feel better, and you think we can get our relationship back because I seem to understand you so well. How will you learn to walk on your own two feet if you keep expecting me to give you a hand?
I don't hate you. But I will if you keep acting and thinking like this. I am not the air you breathe, I am not your lighthouse. You have to be your own air, your own lighthouse. You have to be your own strength.
I could have cracked like this before, like you're cracking now. I've lost so much more than you have. Don't give me bullshit about me being stronger. I made myself stronger. Because if I didn't, I'd be dead by now. You have to do this on your own.
So yes, I am your friend, but not until you can stand on your own two feet. Till then, you have to learn to be on your own
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Rej,
I understand. I know i keep running to you whenever i get depressed, all things considered, its not like there is no reason for me to get depressed about, but i will take your words to heart and in a way, since i talked to you last sunday, i just then realized the distance you would like for me to take from you. as much as it pained me to go through this process again, i understand.
I just wish God grants me the strength to accept it. but I will, in fact, despite everything, compared to previous months, i am happier with myself, i have learned to accept what is happening between us as a facet of relationships that fade. maybe time will tell that distance is all we need for now. Maybe the problem is really with me. i don't know what cotton picking process i'm in right now... i mean whats it called... but i've been through disillusionment, denial, anger, hatred, and now... i think i'm in acceptance. ^^, go me!
I'll be fine, you're right about that, you're not the first girl to leave me... just hope that you will be the first to come back, I'll just be here then... if you need me... to talk or anything else.
I guess... if i do love you as much as i believe i do, i just have to accept this as maybe a test of some sorts... a test on letting you go. I know i failed miserably during the pretests, but i know now that i'm a bit stronger. I know I can live my life without you if you so choose thats the path to take. (i'm still hoping though that its not) I love you rej. never have loved like this before. if you ask me what makes you different from everyone else, its the measure of how much i can go through being still and forever will be in love with the girl who brought a little sunshine into my life.
I'm finished with my crying. I love you so much.
Vic
p.s.
i miss your kittens too. but i'll be fine. ( see brave smile?)
^^, i'm just here. talk to me once in awhile?
* * * * *
pretty, the messes my relationships end up being.
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4:50p - (bubble girl story.) by the_one_slyth
(bubble girl story.)
she smirks in her untamed glee,
feel free, feel fearless and free
-- but still there is a gap
-- a gaping in between where the failing must begin.
she smiles from ear to ear
we are free, so fearless and free
-- but still remain the fear
-- that strange and haunting fear
why can't i learn to disappear?
little plastic bubble girl,
you drown an eye so frequently
-- oh so unneccessarily,
-- because the fear remains.
the gloom of the fear and pains.
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5:41p - Job Application (a forward)
Job Application
This is an actual job application that a 17 year old boy submitted to McDonald's in Florida... and they hired him because he was so honest and funny!
NAME: Greg Bulmash.
SEX: Not yet. Still waiting for the right person.
DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place.
DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.
EDUCATION: Yes.
LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.
SALARY: Less than I'm worth.
MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.
REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.
HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.
PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m., Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.
DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.
MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?
DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 LBS?: Of what?
DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that runs?"
HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing house Sweepstakes.
DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job no, on my breaks yes.
WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde super model who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.
DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: Yes. Absolutely.
SIGN HERE: Aries.
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6:47p - The NEW Abbott & Costello "Who's on First?"
i love this:
If Abbott & Costello did their Who's on First routine in today's technology era..
ABBOTT: Ultimate SuperDuper Computer Store. Can I help you?
COSTELLO: Thanks. I'm setting up a home office in the den, and I'm thinking of buying a computer.
ABBOTT: Mac?
COSTELLO: No, the name is Lou.
ABBOTT: Your computer?
COSTELLO: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one.
ABBOTT: Mac?
COSTELLO: I told you, my name is Lou.
ABBOTT: What about Windows?
COSTELLO: Why? Does it get stuffy?
ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows?
COSTELLO: I don't know. What do I see when I look out the windows?
ABBOTT: Wallpaper.
COSTELLO: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.
ABBOTT: Software that runs on Windows?
COSTELLO: No, on the computer! I need something I can use to write proposals, track expenses. You know, run a business. What have you got?
ABBOTT: Office.
COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?
ABBOTT: I just did.
COSTELLO: You just did what?
ABBOTT: Recommended something.
COSTELLO: You recommended something?
ABBOTT: Yes.
COSTELLO: For my office?
ABBOTT: Yes.
COSTELLO: Okay, what did you recommend for my office?
ABBOTT: Office.
COSTELLO: Yes, for my office.
ABBOTT: Office for Windows.
COSTELLO: I already have an office and it already has windows! Let's say I'm sitting at my computer, and I want to type a proposal. What do I need?
ABBOTT: Word.
COSTELLO: If I'm writing a proposal, I'm going to need lots of words. But what program do I load?
ABBOTT: Word.
COSTELLO: What word?
ABBOTT: The Word in Office.
COSTELLO: The only word in office is office.
ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.
COSTELLO: Which word in "office for windows?"
ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click the blue W.
COSTELLO: I'm going to click your big W if you don't give me a straight answer. Let's forget about words for a minute. What do I need if I want to watch a movie over the Internet?
ABBOTT: RealOne.
COSTELLO: Maybe a real movie, maybe a cartoon. What I watch is none of your business. But what do I need to watch it?
ABBOTT: RealOne.
COSTELLO: If it's a long movie I'll also want to watch reels two, three and four. Can I watch reel four?
ABBOTT: Of course.
COSTELLO: Great! With what?
ABBOTT: RealOne.
COSTELLO: Okay, so I'm sitting at my computer and I want to watch a movie. What do I do?
ABBOTT: You click the blue 1.
COSTELLO: I click the blue one what?
ABBOTT: The blue 1.
COSTELLO: Is that different from the blue W?
ABBOTT: Of course it is. The blue 1 is RealOne. The blue W is Word.
COSTELLO: What word?
ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.
COSTELLO: But there's three words in "office for windows!"
ABBOTT: No, just one. But it's the most popular Word in the world.
COSTELLO: It is?
ABBOTT: Yes, although to be fair there aren't many other Words left. It pretty much wiped out all the other Words.
COSTELLO: And that word is the real one?
ABBOTT: No. RealOne has nothing to do with Word. RealOne isn't even part of Office.
COSTELLO: Never mind; I don't want to get started with that again. But I also need something for bank accounts, loans, and so on. What do you have to help me track my money?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: That's right. What do you have?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: I need money to track my money?
ABBOTT: No, not really. It comes bundled with your computer.
COSTELLO: What comes bundled with my computer?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: Money comes bundled with my computer?
ABBOTT: Exactly. No extra charge.
COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer at no extra charge? How much money do I get?
ABBOTT: Just one copy.
COSTELLO: I get a copy of money. Isn't that illegal?
ABBOTT: No. We have a license from Microsoft to make copies of Money.
COSTELLO: Microsoft can license you to make money?
ABBOTT: Why not? They own it.
COSTELLO: Well, it's great that I'm going to get free money, but I'll still need to track it. Do you have anything for managing your money?
ABBOTT: Managing Your Money? That program disappeared years ago.
COSTELLO: Well, what do you sell in its place?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: You sell money?
ABBOTT: Of course. But if you buy a computer from us, you get it for free.
COSTELLO: That's all very wonderful, but I'll be running a business. Do you have any software for, you know, accounting?
ABBOTT: Simply Accounting.
COSTELLO: Probably, but it might get a little complicated.
ABBOTT: If you don't want Simply Accounting, you might try M.Y.O.B.
COSTELLO: M.Y.O.B.? What does that stand for?
ABBOTT: Mind Your Own Business.
COSTELLO: I beg your pardon?
ABBOTT: No, that would be I.B.Y.P. I said M.Y.O.B.
COSTELLO: Look, I just need to do some accounting for my home business. You know--accounting? You do it with money.
ABBOTT: Of course you can do accounting with Money. But you may need more.
COSTELLO: More money?
ABBOTT: More than Money. Money can't do everything.
COSTELLO: I don't need a sermon! Okay, let's forget about money for the moment. I'm worried that my computer might...what's the word? Crash. And if my computer crashes, what can I use to restore my data?
ABBOTT: GoBack.
COSTELLO: Okay. I'm worried about my computer crashing and I need something to restore my data. What do you recommend?
ABBOTT: GoBack.
COSTELLO: How many times do I have to repeat myself?
ABBOTT: I've never asked you to repeat yourself. All I said was GoBack.
COSTELLO: How can I go back if I haven't even been anywhere? Okay, I'll go back. What do I need to write a proposal?
ABBOTT: Word.
COSTELLO: But I'll need lots of words to write a proposal.
ABBOTT: No, you only need one Word-the Word in Office for Windows.
COSTELLO: But there's three words in...Oh, never mind.
ABBOTT: Hello? Hello? Customers! Why do they always hang up on me? Oh, well. Ultimate SuperDuper Computer Store. Can I help you?
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